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Joke of the Day
"Why was 4 afraid of 5? Because 5 was a Registered Six Offender. Edit: a word."
Next Joke
"Boyfriend: You know you can..... Boyfriend: You know you can be a real bitch. Girlfriend: I have been called worse. Boyfriend: Like what? Girlfriend: Your girlfriend!"
"A lot of things can be preserved in alcohol. My dignity is not one of them."
"Why don't we use some Fourier Analysis on our relationship And reduce to a series of periodic functions."
"Cardinals are fornicating on my porch again! The birds...not the religious robey dudes."
"How did King George view the colonists? He thought they were revolting"
"A physicist sees a man about to jump from a building 'Don't do it! ' he shouts 'You have so much potential! '"
"I have the Heart of a Lion.... And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo..."
"If PETA is upset about Lady Gaga's meat dress, wait until they hear about what people do to that stuff in restaurant kitchens."
"[flicks cigarette out window] submarine captain: you fool!"