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Joke of the Day

"Cardinals are fornicating on my porch again! The birds...not the religious robey dudes."

"How do you drown a little Asian boy? Pinch his nose before you cum."

"Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger? To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet."

"Chuck Norris can clear 5 lines at once in tetris."

"What did King Arthur sleep with when he was afraid of the dark? A knight light"

"What does Mr. Kipling do in his spare time? Pumps cream into tarts."

"Today a preacher told me that Jesus died for me, it made feel feel horrible.... I didn't even know the poor guy was sick!"

"If I ever have a stroke I'm going to tell kids that stare I was making a face when the wind changed and then I had a stroke."

"What do you get when you cross Holy Water with castor oil? A religious movement!"

"I went to London over the weekend and wore tracksuit bottoms in the hope of fitting in. How wrong I was. If I really wanted to fit in, I should have wore a turban."