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Joke of the Day

"Roy Hodgson has some really important decisions to make now. Like if he wants a window or aisle seat."

"My doctor told me I have the vitals of someone half my age. I have no idea how he found out, but now I'll have to kill him too."

"Does it count as necrophilia if she's just dead inside?"

"I like my women like I like my beer. . . . . . cold, pale and without a head."

"The awkward moment when you're wearing Nike's and can't do i"

"I wanted a screamer or a moaner for Christmas Instead I got a sweater."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Canoe ! Canoe who ? Canoe come out and play with me ?"

"""Nope. Nope. Yeah right. Nope. Close! Nah. Nope. Almost! Hahaha, you're terrible at this."" - piece of popcorn stuck between teeth."

"*hires 2 personal trainers and makes one of them train the other one*"

"Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher."