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Joke of the Day
"My sex life is like a penguin, I don't have a penguin."
Next Joke
"Bartender: A shot of whiskey can cleanse the soul Me: *thinks back to the time I ""experimented"" in college* I'll take 27 bottles please"
"Lawyer: As My Lord knows,... Judge: Don't presume I know it, counsel. Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know..."
"I'd be the worst 911 Operator. ""Uh ma'am I think you mean he was lying in a puddle of his own blood, not laying."""
"How many frat brahs does it take to screw in a light bulb? None- it's already lit, fam"
"What started with a J, and ends with whore?"
"What instrument does Mother Earth play? The Qatar."
"My girlfriend is a lot like fast food I only come inside about once a year"
"""Adorkable,"" I say nervously, looking into the bathroom mirror. ""Adorkable. Adorkable."" A fire erupts behind me. Zooey Deschanel emerges."
"My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down."