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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down."

"I just got a part in the movie Cocaine I only have one line."

"interviewer: what can u bring to the firm me: [places a tiny cactus on desk & smiles] interviewer: I meant like clients me: [removes cactus]"

"Why didn't the elephant eat the banana?"

"No one cares if you go to the bathroom. In fact, you are the only one who gives a shit."

"How accurate is the Bible? 100% at short range"

"What does your wife/girlfriend want more than anything in the world? Nothing, she's fine."

"My mom told me not to kill the spider but to take it out... so I did, we had a few drinks, top lad he is..currently working as a web designer."

"You know what I hate about abortion clinics.. They really suck the life out of you."

"Two paratrooper recruits in a plane: - Are you crazy Vasily? You are going to jump without a parachute. - Is it mandatory to wear it? - Sure. It's raining outside."