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Joke of the Day

"I'd be the worst 911 Operator. ""Uh ma'am I think you mean he was lying in a puddle of his own blood, not laying."""

"I went to the doctor with a hearing problem He said ""Can you describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"How do you know your wife's dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up."

"The cannabis industry... It's a growing market."

"Irony. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn't understand what irony was. Which is ironic because we were in a restaurant."

"A lawyer walks into a bar. A lawyer leaves the bar. A lawyer walks into the bar. A lawyer fails the bar because he was drunk."

"Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? To prevent Hispanic attacks"

"How to explain non-alcoholic beer? It's like eating your sisters pussy, the taste is the same but you know something is not right."

"RT if you've followed someone on twitter and then realized you hate them."

"Did you guys read about the fence that got knocked over this morning? Dont worry, it'll probably be reposted before the weekend is up."