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Joke of the Day

"Lawyer: As My Lord knows,... Judge: Don't presume I know it, counsel. Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know..."

"I like my women how I like my light bulbs... Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement."

"Why doesn't Saran Wrap have any friends? Because it sticks to itself."

"Two men are pissing off a bridge. ""Water's cold"" says one. ""And deep."" says the other."

"2016 is like a crisp autumn wind on a clear day in Venice It blows. (Get well soon Carrie)"

"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies! ^tee ^hee"

"""What's on the inside is what counts..."" My sister, while opening the fridge."

"Two Irish schoolboys... 1: Hey, Pat! What's the craic? 2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really? I thought you were only 15? 2: I am! 1: So what was it? Guiness? 2: No, it was water."

"Anyone want to come over for a topless pizza party? I'll supply the dough, you bring the toppings."

"My doctor told me that I have syphillis, gonnorhea and chlamydia. On the positive side... HIV."