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Joke of the Day

"""Adorkable,"" I say nervously, looking into the bathroom mirror. ""Adorkable. Adorkable."" A fire erupts behind me. Zooey Deschanel emerges."

"Why do so many pigs die whilst eating apples?"

"What happened when Curiosity took Accusation out on a date? She aroused suspicion."

"When your phone is wet, put it in a bag of rice ...the rice will attract Asians, and they will proceed to fix your phone."

"Don't ask me about my pan pizza... It's personal."

"What does the janitor say when he jumps out of the closet? supplies!!!!!!!!!!"

"A guy types ""lower case is for the lower class people"" someone else replies with ""I guess that makes you a capitalist"""

"Why do fish always sing off key? You can't tuna fish."

"I work in the entertainment industry, so the only way I could lie more is if I worked in politics."

"Why don't Junior League debutantes engage in group sex? Too many thank you notes to write afterwards."