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Joke of the Day

"Why should you bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing? Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer."

"Girl And BOy Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine doctor. Doctor: Oh really? Mary: Yes she tries to prevent me from making her take it!"

"The best way to get a woman to argue with you is to say something"

"My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking 'with each other' was the wrong response."

"What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green."

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"I have to poop like the Joker... really, really bad."

"I want an ocean of orange soda It's a Fanta sea of mine"

"[landlord showing new tenant around] ""No smoking allowed"" ""How about pets?"" ""That's fine"" [dog walks in and lights up] ""We'll take it"""