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Joke of the Day

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"What is the difference between red wine and women I let the red wine breathe when I'm having sex with it."

"I'd rather vote for Monica Lewinsky than Hillary Clinton... ...because at least a little bit of Bill rubbed off on Monica!"

"I just finished writing a Broadway musical about the dictionary. It's the ultimate play on words."

"How many Comcast customer service agents does it take to change a lightbulb? ... Is the lightbulb plugged in sir?"

"Q: What did the tree say to the mountain? A: Stop peaking at me."

"I just heard a horrific story about a man who left his house without his phone."

"How did Hitler tie his shoes? In knotsies. (The unfollow button is only a click away)"

"What's the difference... ...between a piano, a fish, and glue? You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish ""What about the glue?"" I knew you'd get stuck on that."

"What's a cats favorite Mexican dish? A purr-rito"