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Joke of the Day

"Now that it's all blown over, those Alton Towers victims should look on the bright side. Free parking."

"What's funnier than a turd burg? Two turd burgs, fuck face!"

"A friend in need is a friend indeed, but a friend' that is ALWAYS in need is getting on my nerves."

"It seems like every kid wants to be Spider-man or Batman now-a-days. They must have terrible parents if they all want to be orphans."

"We always bought our cars used, this one was as black as the night- -that is, until we washed it!!!"

"Have you seen the new movie, ""Constipation""? It may not have come out yet."

"I went to a metal concert, the singer was a bit ill... Still fuckin' sick though!"

"My sex life is a lot like the Olympic 100m final. I wait 4 years for it and it's over in less than 10 seconds."

"What's the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get? Mine is a skittle."

"My daughter wrote, ""I will see you every day of our lives,"" on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now."