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Joke of the Day

"Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine doctor. Doctor: Oh really? Mary: Yes she tries to prevent me from making her take it!"

"I finally found love!! It's on page 364 in the dictionary."

"Putting captions in the wrong place You know what I hate the most...?"

"My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us."

"Thank God for butter because without butter all butterflies would be just flies and that sounds terrible."

"How are the homeless like votes? Republicans have them thrown out."

"[Olive Garden] PATRON: there are so many types of pasta WAITER: [required to say this] yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless"

"I like my women like I like my coffee, tied up in burlap and thrown over the back of a donkey."

"What did the sluts left leg say to her right leg? Nothing, they never met."

"If you're riding a horse at full speed along side a giraffe and a lion is chasing you, what do you do? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. Props to the radio station I heard this on today."