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Joke of the Day

"I don't need a pair of underwear, I just need one clean underwear."

"Nobody Likes This. I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This."

"The fireworks have been over for hours but Rex is still barking, which is weird because he's 12 years old and not a dog. Weird little kid."

"Thanks to me, you'll probably start seeing 'For Display Only' signs on the toilets at Home Depot."

"Who is a Brooklyn dog's favorite composer? Bach Bach Bach"

"The best writerly advice is to start each paragraph w ""Here's somethin for ya!"" as the reader is now engaged & will follow you anywhere"

"Football gave me a traumatic brain injury and I was only watching."

"Eat your school, stay in drugs, and don't do vegetables."

"Have you guys heard about the drastic effects of erosion on the Great Pyramids? Yeah, they're kinda pointless now."

"Geneticists and Teenage Boys are the same... They both want to unzip your genes."