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Joke of the Day

"I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass."

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"""Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"" *Hitler rubs chin* So mine less [Grammar Nazi busts in] ""MINE FEWER"" [Hitler looks up] Yes?"
"9 out of 10 Americans agree ...that out of 10 Americans, one American will always disagree with the other nine."
"What's a pedophile's favorite shoe? White vans"
"Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler. When I woke up I was exausted."
"[at therapist] I don't know, sometimes I just feel invisible Therapist: WHO SAID THAT?!?"
"No one really cares, but I love it when people give me rats to have sex with. Who gives a rat's ass?"
"Why did the banjo player get into heaven? The devil has standards."
"What is a mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country"
"15: MOM, WHERE'S MY NIRVANA SHIRT?! Me: Name THREE songs & I'll help you look for it. 15: ..."