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Joke of the Day

"Can I donate fat instead of blood?"

"Wife: ""I'm tired of you endlessly misquoting Arnold Schwarzenegger films. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""You'll be back."""

"eating cereal in the shower isn't saving me as much time as i thought."

"Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control."

"So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don't taste any different."

"I think this unicorn may be drunk, 'cause he's not making ANY sense!"

"What goes in dry and hard, but comes out soft and wet? Chewing gum. What'd you think it was?"

"I'd hate to be Rock, and have to come home and explain to my kids how I got beat by Paper."

"Hey I really like you. I wanted to know if you'd like to gradually grow to despise each other over the next 4-5 years."

"They released a new study on marriage It's the number one cause of divorce"