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Joke of the Day

"Hey I really like you. I wanted to know if you'd like to gradually grow to despise each other over the next 4-5 years."

"How is Sandusky like a tortoise? He gets there before the hair..."

"How many children do I want to have? Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple"

"An atheist, a vegan, and a Crossfitter walked into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes."

"I asked my friend ""Do you know any other word for a big rock?"" He said ""Boulder?"" I said **""Do you know any other word for a big rock?""**"

"A guy calls his local butchery... - Do you have chicken paws? - Yes - Do you have chicken wings? - Yes, I do - Do you have pig's head? - Sure - You must look really funny then"

"How does Jared like to play his flute? In A minor."

"I listen to nothing more closely than the muffled conversation happening after someone has accidentally pocket dialed me."

"Did you know Wiener dogs are the the breed that bites the most people? Well, you would be pissed off too if your arms and legs were a foot long!"

"GF: ...I'm pregnant ME: *holding a 10-piece chicken nuggets box that actually has 11 nuggets* I've also got some pretty big news"