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Joke of the Day

"This is one of those gems thought up at 4 am, why does nobody listen to Neo-Nazis? It's all just white noise."

"More people die from drug overdose than guns... Because guns can't take drugs."

"My husband asked if I was wet enough.. I was so he told me to get the fuck out of the shower and make him breakfast or he was going to be late for work."

"I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through."

"Did you hear about the kiln operator who sucked at his job? He got fired."

"Me: Sit. Dog: (confused dog look) Me: Stay! Dog: (continues packing suitcase)"

"What did Blake Edwards say when asked if he had a roomate? Yes, I have a rhuuuum, mate!"

"Why does your son call you big brother? Because he's your mom's kid."

"God: [returning from year-long sabbatical] So, how's 2016 been? Did you cope OK? Intern who was left in charge: [looks awkward] Yep. Fine."

"Having sex with you is like playing hide and seek After the first 60 seconds you yell ""ready or not, here I come!"""