213771

Joke of the Day

"Me: Sit. Dog: (confused dog look) Me: Stay! Dog: (continues packing suitcase)"

"Some guy told me I wasn't funny today, so I punched him in his face because nobody likes liars."

"When someone tells me, ""I think of you as family,"" I assume I'm about to be yelled at for something that happened 10 years ago."

"Two aerials meet on a roof fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant."

"Ask me why I'm bad at telling jokes - ""why are you bad at telling jokes?"" - ...oh wait. Shit! ughh ... I fucked it up."

"Racist Surfer What did the racist surfer say when asked about hanging a black man? Hang ten dude!!"

"My girl has been eating a lot of Mexican fast food and gaining tons of weight lately, but I'll never stop loving her She's my Taco Belle"

"A young pirate asks his old sea dog captain... .. why he wears a patch over one eye. The captain replies, ""Yarr, my parrot shat in me eye... And I wasn't used to me hook"""

"Cop: You were speeding so I'm going to be giving you a ticket Me: Ooh, could I win something Cop: Sort of, 2 more of these & you get a bike"

"I got a new cat from the inner city shelter. So far he seems fine, except for needing to go outside every hour for a cigarette."