91968

Joke of the Day

"What did Blake Edwards say when asked if he had a roomate? Yes, I have a rhuuuum, mate!"

"If Jason Bateman was a Jedi... I would call him Master Bateman."

"What's the difference between me and a calendar? You can't fuck the shit out of a calendar"

"What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter it wont come anyways"

"My superpower is understanding iPhone text typos."

"""Who are we?"" ""Women!"" ""What do we want?"" ""We don't know!"" ""When do we want it?"" ""Now!"""

"Swallowing glass is a real pane in the neck."

"[Doctor's Office] Dr: I'm not going to candy-coat this.... Me: *misses bad results of test because I'm imagining a coat made of Skittles*"

"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."