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Joke of the Day

"My husband asked if I was wet enough.. I was so he told me to get the fuck out of the shower and make him breakfast or he was going to be late for work."

"I have three kids, one of each."

"Why was Bob Marley fired from being a tennis announcer? Because he kept calling ""One Love"""

"I'm writing a poem about the first time I masturbated. Can someone think of something that rhymes with, ""I was taken away by an ambulance""?"

"Why do crowd control police go earlier to work? To beat the crowd."

"Some day I have a victim mentality But it's not my fault"

"Shave legs ?? Bikini wax ?? Lose 10 lbs ?? Pluck eyebrows ?? Mani/pedi ?? Sexy panties ?? Ready for my big *date! *gynecologist"

"Walks up in da club like ""Has anyone seen my Mom? She'll be the one trying to cover up everyone's cleavage."""

"[gets pulled over] cop: ""sir, do you know how fast you were going?"" [i've swapped places with the dog] me: ""answer the man"""

"What do you call pigs in a demolition derby? Crashing boars."