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Joke of the Day

"How does a cheerleader answer the phone? H-E-L-L-O!"

"My doctor told me I need to stop masturbating I asked why, he said something about examining me. Lets see what you got Reddit. Keep the title and change the punchline."

"[sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start"

"I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine's Day. I hope she finds someone nice."

"Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A Flat Miner."

"I don't have a pet so I decided to adopt the spider living in the corner of my kitchen. Her name is Monique. I hope she isn't knocked up."

"I bet those 300 Greek soldiers would have stood a better chance if they thought to wear armor instead of going to war in capes & speedos."

"Trust but verify."

"I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool."

"Why'd the chicken cross the road? To get the Chinese Newspaper. Do you get it? . . . . . . . Me neither, I get the New York Times"