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Joke of the Day

"Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A Flat Miner."

"Every time I glue uncooked pasta together, a macaroni angel gets its wings."

"Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America: Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers."

"I speak 3 languages. Unfortunately no one else in the world speaks 2 of them."

"The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real."

"It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn't just in his parents basement on acid the whole time"

"Oh, you asked if I had a perfect BEACH body. Now I see why you were confused when I said ""Yes, I'm round, ripe & covered in fuzz."""

"I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, ""I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"""

"Why did the emoji fly to Syria? It wanted to become an Emojihad!"

"Called to my managers office today He said ""you can't wear pyjamas to work you idiot!"" I replied "" everyone else does though"" He replied ""THEIR PATIENTS"""