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Joke of the Day

"I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine's Day. I hope she finds someone nice."

"I took a taste from the bag of white powder I found in my son's backpack and my worst fears were realized. Gymnastic chalk."

"My wife and I are both feminists But I'm a man so I'm a bit better than her at it"

"[sees ghost in my room] Ghost: don't be scared Me: I'm not Ghost [points to wet patch]: you're a little scared Me [nervously]: oh no a ghost"

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? keep the tip bitch."

"I went to Applebee's for dinner last night Our food was so good that I asked the waitress to bring out the chef, so they brought out the microwave."

"This came to me randomly today; not sure if old, or OC... How does Hannibal Lecter like his eggs? Ovaries-y"

"YOLO doesn't work for cats."

"What do you call an international criminal waffle that you dropped at the beach? Carmen Sandy Eggo"

"adulthood is just eating a taco where the toppings keep falling out and then death"