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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: Name some of your weaknesses. Me: I procrastinate. Haphazard, cantankerous... Interviewer: Strengths? Me: Vocabulary?"

"""Kiss me"", moaned the attractive blonde... ""Absolutely not"", replies her doctor. ""It would be most unprofessional of me. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be fucking you!"""

"Q. What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating? A. Finding half a worm."

"Huh, maybe THIS pizza delivery guy will be the father figure I've been looking for"

"Thinking about free healthcare and how much it's going to cost me?"

"What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? please let me know... I have a terrible sense of humor!"

"What's miley cyrus's favourite color? twerkquoise"

"What did the composer say on a date? ""I'm a Classic Romantic....I'm also Baroque."""

"How do you get an elephant out of a Safeway? You take the '*F*' out of '*Safe*', and the '*F*' out of '*way*'."

"Do you want to know where the best place to buy drugs is? High Street of course!"