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Joke of the Day

"How do you get an elephant out of a Safeway? You take the '*F*' out of '*Safe*', and the '*F*' out of '*way*'."

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"What is the opposite of progress? [](/colgatereally)Congress."
"So I dropped my pack of gum when my sister asked for a piece I looked to her and said ""Don't worry... It's in MINT condition"""
"What do you call toddlers who are dictators? Dictator Tots"
"Wife: Nothing you could say could convince me that cockroaches aren't the worst. Me: Wall-E's friend was a cockroach. Wife: Except that."
"Adulthood is where you get excited over a new trash can. *blank stare*"
"What does Trump have to do to win the election? Show off his erection."
"Have you ever flicked a cigarette out the window then five minutes later you start to smell something? So you turn around only to find your grandma fingering herself in the back seat."
"I rated that girl a 10 on the pH scale because she looked pretty basic."
"[hears a dog in the distance barking in the middle of the night] Yeah I'd love to be friends."
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