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Joke of the Day

"TSA AGENT: take off ur shoes please ME: [hiding counterfeit pokemon cards in my shoes] the dude in front of me said he has a grenade"

"Show me on this doll where the bad man gave you a skewed perspective of a female body"

"Welfare is like diabetes If Momma had it, her babies probably will too"

"Everyone has a special talent, I like to think mine is ruining people's day."

"Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you're up. Million dollar idea."

"What has four legs, two horns, and always brags about climbing really tall things? A mountain gloat."

"Money doesn't buy happiness..."

"Me: I just stepped in dog shit, isn't that weird? Her: Not really Me: Ok, what if I told you I knew it was there?"

"I dont mind you texting during a movie as long as you dont mind me creeping in your bedroom at 3am & doing Gangnam Style w a pack of hyenas."

"What do you get when you put 50 Politicians in a room with 50 lesbians? 100 cunts that don't do dick."