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Joke of the Day

"Huh, maybe THIS pizza delivery guy will be the father figure I've been looking for"

"What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair? Cancer"

"While texting a girl she told me ""I'm board"" so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't offended. I just don't date wood. Or people who can't spell."

"I got caught torrenting ""Free Fallin"", ""American Girl"", and ""Wildflowers"" They charged me with first degree Petty Theft."

"What do you call a loonie answering questions on reddit? DollarAMA. *Only Canadians will get it, sorry."

"My 8yo son spent 45 minutes perusing and closely inspecting the 31 flavors to finally decide on ""chocolate."""

"I'm not saying I hate you, I'm just saying that if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus."

"Me to 6 year old trick or treater dressed as a witch: ""I wish you'd cackle less"" Her: Give me a snickers you old piece of shit"

"Forget Washington, Lincoln, JFK. Trump Is Simply Going To Be The Best President To Have Come in A Melania."

"*puts on sports bra* Well, that's enough exercise for today..."