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Joke of the Day

"My son also calls crystal meth, ""Cwistal Math""! A-dorable! ;)"

"Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that."

"I don't have a pet so I decided to adopt the spider living in the corner of my kitchen. Her name is Monique. I hope she isn't knocked up."

"Why did the owl 'owl? Because the woodpecker would peck 'er."

"*takes your compliment* *stares nervously at it*"

"Just went to a really emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers"

"My friend told me to stop singing Wonderwall... ...I said maybe."

"You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?"

"Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin."

"I saw a black man running from a shop with a turntable, amplifier and speakers under his arm being chased by a security guard. Talk about stereotypes."