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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that."

"So the Asian guy from the Human Centipede has a Twitter account... He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him."

"Whoever said you can't teach an old dog new tricks was so wrong. I taught mine how to play dead and she's been doing it for a year straight."

"Parents who are afraid that giving teenagers condoms will just ensure they have sex to use them have obviously never owned a bread maker."

"Makes a girlfriend in IIT. Breaks up with her. Adds Ex IITian in bio."

"I was voted ""most friendly"" at my high school in 10th grade. It was at this point in my life that I knew serious changes were in order."

"My girlfriend just called me old fashioned. I almost dropped my Walkman."

"What do you call a hypocritical member of the church of Latter Day Saints? an oxy-mormon. or, all of them."

"Tom Swifty ""My mom is my dad!"" Said Tom transparently."

"Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she says ""Remember, you have a wife."""