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Joke of the Day

"I hate double standards. If a baby crawls around, it's ""adorable,"" but if I do, I'm ""causing a disturbance"" and ""need to leave""? Whatever."

"Reason why I'm single... Because it's impossible to be double."

"What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today? He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, ""Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"""

"What do you call a cow that got hit by a car? moo-tilated."

"I do whatever I can to fight poverty So the other day, I punched a tramp (Courtesy of Milton Jones)"

"Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car in Los Angeles this morning. To be fair, the driver had just watched Four Christmases."

"Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise? Because the captain stood on the deck."

"What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer? Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute."

"Religions are like farts... Everyone likes their own but thinks all the others stink."

"Jared from Subway got raided for child porn. That gives a whole new meaning to ""Eat Fresh"""