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Joke of the Day

"Reason why I'm single... Because it's impossible to be double."

"My son doesn't like spicy food. To prevent him from eating his boogers, I pour drops of Tobasco in his nostrils while he sleeps. #winning"

"What do you call a man in a hole? Phil."

"Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see... the Nazis were known for rounding them up."

"I've been hearing noises in the house for a while now and while Twitter was down last night I discovered I have a wife!"

"What does a grizzly wear under his fur? Under-bear."

"Why is it better to be a hooker than a drug dealer? Because you can sell the same crack over and over again."

"Why did the crew abandon the chili pepper boat? It was capsaicin. ^(Don't hurt me.)"

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves #2 Fuck her right in the pussy."

"I got a Jury Summons today, I'm sending them my Twitter profile to get out of it. Fingers crossed."