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Joke of the Day

"Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car in Los Angeles this morning. To be fair, the driver had just watched Four Christmases."

"Today is your reminder that April Fool's is exactly 9 months away. Time to start preparing your pranks and jokes. Especially if that joke is a child."

"Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive"

"What did the pig say on a hot summer day? I'm bacon!"

"[first day as a masseuse] Me: [closing book] ""...& they all lived happily ever after"" Customer: ""That's not what I meant by 'happy ending'"""

"When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting 'No, man, I've got to go home.'"

"Did you hear about the new cure for diarrhea? They're calling it ""Gone-o-Rhea."""

"I have a killer penis. Yeah, that's right. It's a mood killer. *sobs*"

"Read the tweet above this one and then the tweet below it. People paid FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS PER SHARE FOR THIS."

"How can you tell if a dinosaur is visiting your house? His tricycle will be parked outside."