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Joke of the Day

"3-year-old: What's a swear word?Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.3:Me:3: Is my middle name a swear word?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I forgot I only exist when you need something!"

"Billion dollar idea: war."

"I like my women how I like my whiskey....... Age 12 and all mixed up in coke."

"A disciple asked, ""Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?"" ""Yes, son,"" the guru quipped, ""as long as there are no attachments."""

"How are Americans and poles similar? Running into one could really ruin your day."

"What kid blows you and gets you all wet? El Nino"

"My mom should have been on a plane that crashed on 9/11 *I* think."

"Why did Thor sit comfortably on a cactus? He has an Asgard ...I'll see myself out"

"Dear Cool People, they didn't name a candy after you, did they? Love, Nerds."