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Joke of the Day

"Dear Cool People, they didn't name a candy after you, did they? Love, Nerds."

"Make fun of my footy pajamas if you must, but all you naked sleepers are gonna be up shit creek if your house catches on fire in the night."

"Am I supposed to know my own blood type? I don't even know what types of blood there are"

"why do comedians always ask such strange questions? because they're telling jokes"

"Someone threw an egg at me, I wasn't able to dodge it. It was un-ovoid-able. =("

"What was used to grow crops on Mars in the movie Martian? Good Shit"

"I borrowed $500 from a co-worker then paid a homeless guy $8 to kill him in a McDonald's bathroom. I'm up $405 or whatever."

"What do you do if you see a fireman? You put it out, man!"

"I was going to buy some classical CDs... But it turns out I'm baroque."

"Every time I see of a white person being killed by a wild animal in captivity, I think...Animal Cracker!"