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Joke of the Day

"My mom asked me what I was doing for Easter ... I said, ""Same as Jesus. Going out on Friday and coming back Sunday"""

"Today, I took a shower You have no idea how hard it was to get it out of Home Depot."

"My grandad let me in on the secret to picking up hot Jewish girls during WWII.. with a brush and shovel.."

"Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose."

"U once broke ur toe? I once broke my foot. U had a baby? I had 2 babies. U have a bad back? I have a bad front. I can do this all day, btw."

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"Why can't Thor play the piano or hide n seek with his brother? He can never find the Loki."

"If I could be any enzyme It would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes."

"What did iodine say to Xenon when caesium died? Well, I guess we better Barium."

"[chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way"