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Joke of the Day

"[chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way"

"Can anyone answer why they've kept the name Lynchburg? Come on, don't leave me hanging."

"911 What's your emergency Me: I'm calling to complain about the quality of this cocaine 911: The police are on their way Me: Thanks"

"Instagram fail Yes, i liked the picture on instagram that you posted 153 weeks ago And no, i didn't do it on purpose..."

"I've only seen ""Babe"" once, but I've said ""That'll do, pig"" 1000 times. My wife hates me."

"What do you call a homeless horse? Unstable."

"I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3x while carrying me to the car!"

"What's a cat's favorite color? Purrple."

"In park people come across man playing chess with dog They are of surprise and say ""What clever dog!"" But man say: ""No, no, he isn't so clever. I am lead by three game to one!"""

"I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."