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Joke of the Day

"Remember, kids: Never get in cars with strangers unless you've used an app to select a specific stranger to drive you around in their car"

"Wanna hear a funny joke? Womens rights."

"Capt of Titanic: ""Mayday! We are sinking"" Coastguard: ""What happened?"" *Cthulhu makes throat-slit gesture with tentacle* Capt: ""Iceberg"""

"That's the third time Adam Sandler's scootered past my house this morning. Dude if you want to go on my trampoline just ask"

"Which fish go to heaven when they die ? Angelfish !"

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I didn't pay 50 bucks to have a lentil on my face last night."

"Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine."

"I want to be the area under your curves."

"My handwriting has slowly morphed from cheerleader to serial killer to elephant with a paint brush."

"If Dracula was gay... ...he'd be a fruit bat."