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Joke of the Day

"Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine."

"What does an alcoholic ghost drink? Spirits."

"Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged."

"What is the definition of irony? Having a democratic debate in a city that was destroyed by over 50 years of democratic rule."

"I usually tell self-deprecating jokes But I'm not very good at it"

"What did the right eye say to the left? There's something between us that smells.. *drops mic*"

"The one-legged man couldn't understand an online tutorial. It had step-by-step instructions."

"i just found that children's tylenol is made for children, not out of children, and i feel relieved. but that could just be the tylenol..."

"Donkey kong, king kong, and a smart blonde fight on top of the empire state building. Who wins? None of them, they don't exist!"

"I had consensual sex with a dementia sufferer... It was like HBO's Lost, it was okay when it started but by the end of it no one knew what was happening."