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Joke of the Day

"In the future the only two jobs left are Uber driver and escape room planner."

"Behavioral studies show that those who use a lot of swear words tend to be more honest. That's what I've been trying to fcuking tell you!"

"What does an empty bottle of Champaign and an orphan have in common? Nether of them have a pop."

"The quickest way to get a creationist to shut up is threatening to throw them off the edge of the earth."

"Darwin is a genius. Just realized I'm attracted to women in glasses because I'm more likely to reproduce with a woman who can't see me well."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Grunge Barbie ...with flannel shirt and a goatee"

"I have what CNN is calling 'snow fatigue' symptoms include: Being tired of winter A sudden desire for spring Thoughts of murderous rage"

"Wearing my bathing suit as underwear in case a random pool party breaks out sounds way better than too lazy to do laundry."

"Where do you find a quadriplegic? There where you left him."

"Why are catholic priests so Eco-friendly? Zero emissions."