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Joke of the Day

"Behavioral studies show that those who use a lot of swear words tend to be more honest. That's what I've been trying to fcuking tell you!"

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs...they screw in dirty sleeping bags."

"Why ebola medicine doesn't work in Africa? Because it can't be taken on empty stomach"

"I'm not usually too good at jokes but um... Tiss"

"What happens when you sing a country music song backwards? You get your wife, truck, and land back."

"In Massachusetts you can't buy liquor before noon on Sundays. But bless your raging alcoholic heart for trying."

"My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot It got so bad , I had to take his bike away"

"Never been able to throw a frisbee too well, but I make up for it by having a huge dong & a really positive attitude"

"How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead."

"[gameshow] me: [visibly doing maths on my fingers] ""17"" host: [looks at me weird] ""that's wrong"" other contestant: ""salmon?"" host: ""correct"""