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Joke of the Day

"If you say 'my cocaine' really loudly, you will sound exactly like Michael Caine saying his own name. I will never get tired of this."

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"What's the difference between fancy food and military food? Fancy food is delicious, but military food is deliciousir!"
"Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.."
"My girlfriend text me ""lets watch Godzilla""........ I reply ""look at the mirror""!"
"A horse trots into a bar . . . with a 8 foot stringy greasy turd stuck in his butt, dragging along behind. Bartender stares down at the trailing choad, then looks up - ""Why the long feces?"""
"What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed clown on a tricycle? Attire"
"I married way too young She was chinese."
"What is a blonde's favorite color? Glitter."
"The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was ""I know how to start a fire!"" so nothing you guys say today can scare me."
"Why would you name your human child Hunter? Hunter is a profession. That's like naming your kid Dentist."
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