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Joke of the Day

"The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was ""I know how to start a fire!"" so nothing you guys say today can scare me."

"What is a Cambodian's favorite meal? Pol Pot."

"I asked for your advice but now I'm angry with you because I don't like your advice."

"Hate weight limit signs in the elevator. Then I'm put in the awkward position of telling some pregnant woman she has to take the stairs."

"lol these ppl ""don't see race"" right up until you start making beloved fictional characters black, then they're 18th century anthropologists"

"When my girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down"

"How did they cure the swine flu? With oinkment."

"ayo girl are you an unanswered email? bc you are stressing me tf out"

"What do cats read Mewspapers"

"What instrument do you play Beside blowing dick?"