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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend text me ""lets watch Godzilla""........ I reply ""look at the mirror""!"

"if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England"

"Why can't women drive? Because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom."

"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."

"All I'm saying is if I'm not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign."

"If Jesus appears to you... Ask him to bevel-cut a jack rafter onto a door header. If he doesn't know what you mean, that's an imposter Jesus."

"My coworker broke his second windshield today. I offered him my apple... ...because windows keep crashing on him."

"I saw a dramatic comedy about a guy with PbA. The plot was confusing... I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.."

"Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn't see himself in a mirror."

"If my penis was an inch longer.... ....it would be a foot."