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Joke of the Day

"If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth the $20"

"I've been in line at the DMV for 1.5 hrs so my distaste for the general population is at an all time high right now."

"A somewhat amusing joke Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had LOCOmotives"

"What's the difference between Obama supporters and Romney supporters? Romney supporters sign their checks on the front. Obama supporters sign their checks on the back."

"My most pretentious joke. Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? To whom."

"Why did god give women two sets of lips? So they can piss and moan at the same time."

"Which president was famous for his long pauses? Ellipsis S. Grant."

"Me: Strengths? I never vomit when I'm nervous. *vomits* HR guy: Umm...you sure about that? Me: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm just super drunk right now"

"Why don't women wear skirts in the winter? Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have a fight to the death. Who will win? Everybody."