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Joke of the Day

"Which president was famous for his long pauses? Ellipsis S. Grant."

"Holiday Tip: if you boil a turd on low heat the whole house smells like farts."

"Dogs are tough!! Been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who's a good boy!"

"Is LSD illegal or just frowned upon? Asking for a giant purple rabbit."

"I tried Tylenol for the first time today. It tasted a lot like cotton."

"Yelling someone's name in different voices until they finally hear you"

"I've been invited to an avoidance. An avoidance? What's that? It's a dance for people who hate each other."

"If you don't already know your Miranda rights from watching TV and movies, you're kind of an idiot."

"Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was out standing in his field...."

"It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It'll be me laughing at an inappropriate time."