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Joke of the Day

"I must have a great body... Everyone keeps saying ""What an ass"" as soon as I walk away."

"Happy ending massages don't count as cheating... Women pay to have their cars washed for the same reasons. It takes too long, my arm gets tired, and I get my gym shorts all wet."

"At some point Princess Peach needs to look in the mirror and ask herself what she can do to prevent getting abducted so frequently"

"Another gorgeous fall morning I wish I was sleeping through."

"I'm going to need to crash at your place for a few days. My girlfriend caught me measuring my cock the other day. She kicked me out. Apparently it fits right down her moms throat."

"What do you call a bear that will fuck anything? Bi Polar"

"Apparently, my office doesn't think the women's restroom needs a tampon disposal, so wrapped it up and put it in their suggestion box."

"What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers."

"Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... ""One liter of water."" it read. Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair ""This speaks volumes..."""

"Boss: This is the 3rd time I've seen you slacking off today. Do you know what that means? Me: You want me to move the couch into my office?"