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Joke of the Day

"Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... ""One liter of water."" it read. Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair ""This speaks volumes..."""

"So if you never eat meat or dairy you must never throw up, because what happens in Vegans--ow stop hitting me."

"did you write ""call Gary in HR for lots of really disappointing and hairy sex"" on the bathroom stall? [wearing my ""I hate gary"" tshirt]: no"

"I just took nitrous oxide, and laxatives. For shits, and giggles."

"My first act as ruler of the universe would be changing the week to: Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday."

"If a crackhouse is filled with love, it becomes a crackhome.."

"4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed... 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects."

"Hey did you hear about the fire at the circuis? It was in'tents'"

"My SO and I recently decided we don't want to have kids... I think the kids are taking it the hardest"

"My British friend asked me, ""Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?"" I told him, ""Dude, we literally drive on the right side."""