211711

Joke of the Day

"I'm going to need to crash at your place for a few days. My girlfriend caught me measuring my cock the other day. She kicked me out. Apparently it fits right down her moms throat."

"My doctor told me I'm suffering from a Superman complex. But I couldn't stay for long, so I had to fly."

"I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake."

"In Heaven all your lost pets are sitting around waiting to see you again. ""I wish he'd die,"" says Cupcake. They all nod."

"What's the best part of running a marathon? Ha! You actually thought I ran a marathon! Jokes on you, I'm just drunk!"

"Why do they print nutritional information on Snickers bars? If you don't know candy is bad for you, what are the chances you can read?"

"Walking down the street today someone handed me a free air guitar... No strings attached..."

"A guy says to the other... ""Marriage has taken all the joy out of sex."" ""How so?"" ""You know, there is always the terrifying chance of my wife coming home."""

"This is a better joke than feminism. Just kidding, there's no better joke than feminism."

"I was reading a subreddit about unfinished sentences and it was Im not finishing this one eithe"