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Joke of the Day

"How many Unidans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Six: one to screw it in and five to cheer him on loudly while standing in front of other people's bulbs so no one can see them."

"Phone just autocorrected ""your"" to ""yore"" in case thou wouldst think I'm smarter than thee."

"""Let the chips fall where they may."" -My kids when they're eating chips on the couch."

"What slides in and out until it's balls are busted? Piston"

"You hear about the guy who had his whole left side amputated? I hear he's all right now."

"First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions 25 elephants and 10 hippos how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round."

"Of course I care about the environment. I spray air freshener every time I leave the restroom don't I?"

"What does the secret service man say to the other secret service man when he has to go to the bathroom? Hold on I have to take Obama to the White house."

"I got kicked out of Monochromes Anonymous for using colourful language."

"Dear Tequila, we had a deal last night. You were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk"