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Joke of the Day

"What kind of a battery does Dj Khaled use? A Li-ion battery."

"What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? One is against the law, the other is a sick bird. Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!"

"Why were the baker's hands smelly? He kneaded a poo"

"I called work and told them I have Anal Glaucoma... Just couldn't see my ass coming in today."

"The USB port on this cat doesn't work."

"My friend, Manuel, is a magician... His favorite trick is to announce ""I'm going to disappear on the count of three."" He then counts ""Uno, dos..."" then vanishes without a tres."

"What is the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Michael Jackson likes to fuck little boys..."

"A man enters a library A man goes to the library and asks for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds ""Fuck off, you're not gonna bring it back."""

"How do you find a blind man on a nudist beach? It's not hard..."

"I'm pretty sure these people at the next table are talking about how paranoid I am."